Random Insanity of HP Humor Fics
by Chibi Lone Saiyajin
Summary: Semi-HH, parody of generic humor-romance fics. Read and review! (Still mourning you-know-who.)
1. The Insanity RETURNS!

A/N: Sirius and Remus are my slaves! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! *cough cough*  
  
Disclaimer: Hermione and any other HP characters belong to JKR-sama (except for the Marauders' Butt, which belongs to Red Scar). If it belonged to me, I wouldn't be writing this (short) fic, yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Note: ( ) = my words!  
  
Chapter 1: The Idiocy Ensues (Without this, this is exactly 200 words!)  
  
Hermione lost her books and didn't answer questions in McGonagall's class correctly. (I know it's spelled correctly.) Then Harry gave her new ones (Were they his?), and Hermione (Suspense!) poked him with her quill. Then Ron came along, and began throwing random confetti around like it was the end of the normal world. (It was!) Then, a bunch of rabid fangirls ran in and trampled everyone 4 times, while chasing Wood around the castle. Then, suddenly, Voldie wafted in, and poked the Marauders' Butt (Marauders' Butt ©...I forgot!) 5 times, and the castle literally exploded. (Lotsa Dungbombs!) Then, suddenly, Hermione lost her books again, and this dang thing started all over again. (And so, the idiocy ends! YAY! No, wait, there's another chapter coming up on Friday or so.) And then, humor from The Marauders' Butt ensues here, and the second chapter/story comes up. The...  
  
End!  
  
(A/N: One of the "respellings" of Hermione's name in Word was hormone! O.o; R/R, I might put up another chapter if I wanna.) 


	2. Stupid Short Story

A/N: I need reviews, and ideas for plots. For now, I'm not gonna put up another chapter till I get a real good idea. (And now, the amazing author of the Pencil Show! The entire reason I exist on Yahoo! (Don't ask.) And the most popular fic on ff.net! (Once again, don't ask.) Disclaimer: The flesh-eating cheese belongs to me, the plot belongs to me! Harry, the Dursleys, and *dramatic* "Incendio!" belong to J.K. Rowling, the publishers of the book (and to the characters themselves, as they DO exist, ya know)  
  
Chapter 2!  
  
A Short Story  
  
Harry finally turned the Dursleys into frogs and made them into his slaves. Then some evil flesh-eating cheese came and ate the Dursleys, but Harry burnt them with "Incendio!" and ate them for lunch.  
  
The End.  
  
A/N: Isn't that nice? 


	3. Really Long Chapter Title

A/N: It's a weird, weird world. This is the second chapter of Hermione's Weird Day, no longer called that. It's now known as "Insanity of Harry Potter Fanfic Authors," (dumb name, ne?) or IHPFA! Oink! (Note: The random comments in there are Hermione, Ron, and Harry. Harry is bold, Hermione is underline, and Ron is italic.)  
  
Disclaimer: Do I really need this? Read the first chapter for this, dangit.  
  
Last time on Dragon Ball Z:  
  
RT (Random Teacher): Begin your exams now! (Harry, Ron, and Hermione (Audience: *gasp*) begin writing something.) The title shows up.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
The Marauders' Butt V2 Returns  
  
(Note: The Butt doesn't belong to me.)  
  
Sirius jumped in suddenly, tapping the Butt 9 times, creating a map. Then, the Twins backflipped in and began to throw random items around, including Canary Creams and, weirdly, fake Marauder's Maps. Random people began to run in, including Hermione, Ron, and Cho. Then, suddenly they tapped the Butt random times (short and long), which created a big explosion (causing a Hogwarts III to be built), made invisible Dungbombs (which were used in another "military attack on the Great Hall", Red Scar style!) (Geez, 'Mione, you're hogging the quill.) (Too bad, Ron.) TOO BAD?! YES, YOU GIT! (Note: This is Harry right here.) (WILL YOU TWO PLEASE SHUT (AND GROW) UP!?) okay. Okay. (Tiny font!) And then, suddenly, Albus's undies were stolen by Voldie again, which triggered NASA to launch missiles, and they were set to "Lock Target Mode" this time, and Voldie lived with them happily ever after, as..."Friends!" I didn't even read that story, just read the script of this...WAIT, THERE'S A SCRIPT? And now, back to our story. (Ron's crying in the bathroom now.) The story lost a plot, and they were lost in the land of...DIAGON ALLEY! They suddenly bought Firebolt Mark XVI brooms and rode on 'em back to Hogwarts III (as the 1st and 2nd ones were destroyed by the Dungbomb Tornado and Atomic Bomb Thingy explosion) (Yep, I think up cheesy names! How many words is this?) to find that...DRACO HAD KIDNAPPED CHO! Harry (I?) didn't care, he was too busy making out with Hermione to find out. And then... HEY! WHO'S THERE? I am the almighty Author! Watch! *makes Draco suddenly fall in love with RT* Whoa, that's cool! Hey, wait...I'm an author, too! So am I! Ya got that right! (Yep, I'm another dumb author who inserts him/herself into his/her own story. Get used to it. This ain't even a page long. So, I'll insert some random words.) MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT MARAUDERSBUTT  
  
Okay, done! Now, that was pointless. That was COOL! I'm an Author! RON! SHUT UP! I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! (Ooh.) Aw, guys, come on! I got some pizza. YAY! (Ron's crying. AGAIN.) Okay, let's do something. Uh...let's wait till the next chapter, I'm too lazy to do anything.  
  
End!  
  
Impressive, isn't it?  
  
A/N: I'm gonna put review responses here, like so many other authors.  
  
The Insane One - Thanks! Now I need another plot!  
  
Sheriff of Nottingham - It wasn't? Why not?  
  
The Jade Princess - Thanks! Now, to get even weirder.and funnier.I MUST MAKE VOLDIE ATTACK RABID CHEESE-ADDICTED SKUNKS!  
  
Next chapter: The Butt explodes, and a new plot is found! Next time on Dragon Ball...err, IHPFA: The Aftermath of Stupidity. Hermione's quill explodes, the exam ends, and I'm a Billy-Bob! (Note: This is 6th year, yet I ain't 16.) 


	4. No Need For a Plot II

A/N: Fourth chapter, 6 months after the last one.meh, I've had writer's block for the past few months, honest! *Rabid fans attack* GAH!  
  
Disclaimer: Harry and Co. and anything else in any of the HP books belongs to Rowling, the one who's taking forever to finish the 5th book.  
  
On with the story!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
No Need For A Plot  
  
A shoe suddenly kicked Harry in the shin, causing him to scream in AGONY. Ron ran around like a headless chicken.  
  
Lavender: Those guys are weird. Parvati: That's why we like 'em. Hermione: NO, HARRY'S MINE! *attacks Parvati and Lavender* Parvati and Lavender: EEE!  
  
Ron pulled Lavender away, and Harry pulled Hermione away, and they had snog- fests for the rest of the day. Suddenly, Voldemort attacked while Harry and Hermione were still snogging, and the ending of the fourth book recurred.  
  
Cornelius Fudge said, "Fudge." before being kicked out of the Ministry. Arthur Weasley took his place, and began readying the wizarding and Muggle worlds for an all-out war against Voldemort and his followers.  
  
Harry became godlike, and Ctrl-X'd Voldemort out of existence. Harry then continued his snog-fests with Hermione.  
  
(A/N: They're being very "active", aren't they?)  
  
3 weeks later.  
  
Harry: THE SHOES ARE ATTACKING! RUN!  
  
A swarm of shoes was chasing Harry. Hermione ate a few, but became full within minutes.  
  
Suddenly, Ron came out with a HUGE vacuum cleaner and IT ate the shoes!  
  
Harry: THANKS, RON!  
  
Ron was thrown into a wall by the magnitude of Harry's yell.  
  
Harry: Oopsies.  
  
Lavender ran over to Ron, glared at Harry, and brought Ron over to the Astronomy Tower, and you know what happens after that.  
  
Suddenly, the author of this story began using clichés from other fics!  
  
(A/N: Shut up, Narrator.)  
  
Why?  
  
(A/N: Because I said so.)  
  
Too bad.  
  
(A/N: *erases Narrator from existence* Too bad, eh? *is new Narrator*)  
  
Harry and Hermione ran over to the nearest broom closet, and they were not heard of for a day, when someone opened the closet and discovered them.  
  
Parvati attacked Hermione, and Harry knocked Parvati into the broom closet with Neville, where they were not heard of for 4 months.  
  
(A/N: THE END.for now.)  
  
Review answering time!  
  
Gryffindor-Girl: The Marauder's Butt is like the Map, but it is used to pull pranks on people.  
  
Me123: Why, thank you.  
  
kat&mousetakingovertheworld: Nicely insane is how I like it. Thanks!  
  
.: =O  
  
phi cong: Anyone who likes this fic is a friend of mine. No, I'm not that Amanda person; I'm just a random author. 


	5. Harry Potter's MAGICAL Monkey

(A/N: God, I'm making a lot of chapters lately.This is a little more serious than the last few chappies.)  
  
(Disclaimer: HP and Co. belong to Rowling. Everything else belongs to ME, ME, ONLY ME!)  
  
Chapter 5  
  
The Monkey of Harry Potter  
  
"Just last month, Harry got back from his sixth year at Hogwarts. He seemed to be happy about it, and for good reason; he was almost an adult wizard!  
  
His birthday is in 5 minutes. It's 11:55 PM now on July 30th."  
  
Harry turned off the TV. 'How come all these people know so much about me and my adventures at Hogwarts.?'  
  
He pondered this for a moment, and then went up to bed. Within 30 seconds of him coming in, something that looked like a grey furry tennis ball hit Harry on the head. It was holding a huge parcel and a letter.  
  
"Dear Harry,  
  
My dad got a raise! Now we won't need all this second-rate rubbish."  
  
Harry grinned at that comment.  
  
"Dumbledore says you can go over to Hermione's for the rest of the summer; you have their permission, you just have to ask your uncle. If he says yes, they'll come at 11 am on August 2. If he says no, they'll still come.  
  
Oh, and open your present; it's something you won't expect.  
  
Ron"  
  
Harry grinned goofily at this, and he felt like he could fly.without a levitating charm or broomstick, of course.  
  
Harry opened the parcel, and a small chimpanzee hopped out of it and onto Harry's shoulder.  
  
Hermione's new owl flew through the window, holding a letter.  
  
Harry opened it. He suddenly gasped, and fainted.  
  
11 hours later.  
  
Harry woke up, and ran downstairs and ran into Vernon.  
  
"What are you doing, running into me like that, boy?" "Vernon, can I go over to the Grangers' for the rest of the summer?" "Hmm."  
  
Vernon thought for a minute. 'Well, we will be rid of him for the rest of the summer.but who'll cook?"  
  
"I'm writing to Sirius right now - you know, my godfather."  
  
Vernon silently gasped, and his pupils became smaller. He became pale.  
  
'Aren't the Grangers those dentists that treated Dudley when he got that tooth infection? NOW I remember.'  
  
Vernon said, "Okay, okay - you can go to the Grangers' for the rest of the summer."  
  
Harry cheered silently, and ran up to his room. He wrote a small note to Sirius; he would write a letter while at Hermione's.  
  
"Dear Sirius,  
  
How's it going? I'm going to Hermione's for the rest of the summer, so it might take a while for me to get a reply.  
  
Harry"  
  
He then scribbled a note to Ron. Pigwidgeon was still there.  
  
"Ron -  
  
Vernon said yes. See you there.  
  
Harry"  
  
Suddenly, the wall exploded, and out came.an evil chicken with a cheese blaster.  
  
Harry gasped in horror.  
  
For it was holding.  
  
His shoe!  
  
"Give it back!" Harry said.  
  
"Heck no! You ate one of me yesterday!" said the chicken.  
  
A vein was throbbing on Harry's forehead.  
  
"I SAID GIVE IT BACK NOW, OR ELSE."  
  
"Or else WHAT?"  
  
"I'll turn you into cheese."  
  
"Okay, okay!"  
  
The chicken gave back Harry's shoe, and clucked, oinked, and then meowed.  
  
"You're not really a chicken, are you..?"  
  
"Nah, I'm just a pig/cat/chicken hybrid."  
  
"Oh. Do you think the author of this fic is typing this just to get reviews OR get at least 3 pages in?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Good."  
  
Suddenly, Mr. Weasley appeared with a pop next to Harry.  
  
"Time to go, Harry."  
  
"Aww, but I met this cool chicken/cat/pig hybrid. Can I keep it?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Harry had a goofy smile on his face.  
  
About 3 miles away, Hermione grinned.  
  
The chicken shot Harry's bed with the cheese blaster. And it ate some chicken with cheese inside it.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.  
  
(A/N: Now isn't this nice? I GET TO TYPE ANOTHER CHAPTER! 'Cos you guys are reviewing, I'll type 2 more!)  
  
kitty: I'm on sugar high every 5 seconds.  
  
Ivory Tower: It belongs to Red Scar, but you might be able to sneak it into your fic.Heh, just kidding.  
  
Next chapter: Elves kidnap Harry and Hermione! Evil elves from LOTR! This is not going to be a LOTR/HP crossover! 


	6. SelfInsertions Are Evil

(A/N: Onward! Onward, brave knights and warriors that bother to read this fic!)  
  
(Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter! I'm just typing this fic to have some fun while I write the fifth, sixth, and seventh books! Just kidding. Harry and Co. belong to Rowling.  
  
James, Lily, and Draco belong to me, as they do not exist in the books.  
  
Kuririn is owned by Akira Toriyama, FUNimation Productions, and/or Toei.  
  
I own myself.)  
  
Chapter 6  
  
bTHE RANDOM SELF-INSERTION CHAPTER OF DOOOOM/b  
  
(This chapter takes place 9 months before Harry's 20th birthday. He's engaged to Hermione.)  
  
Voldemort laughed, and suddenly imploded.  
  
Harry appeared at Hermione's house without Arthur Jim-Bob Kyle Edward Ricardo Stevenson Weasley (Arthur JBKERS. Weasley, for all you lazy bums who don't bother to read everything) next to him, for some reason.  
  
Hermione hopped to the front door with a mischievous grin on her face. She dragged Harry to her bedroom, where makeout fests began. They did not even stop for air for a record 10 hours!  
  
Suddenly, Ron burst into the room and began hexing Harry. Hermione put Ron in a full body-bind, and said the counter-hexes. Harry got up, glared a glare of death at Ron, and continued the makeout fest.  
  
The author suddenly appeared. He was bald with no nose and had these 6 dots on his head. You guessed it.he's Kuririn from DBZ! (No, this is not a DBZ/HP crossover fic either.)  
  
"I can't let you two do anything more than make out, or else this fic'll need a PG-13 or R rating."  
  
Harry and Hermione groaned in unison, and then grinned at each other. They continued their makeout fests.  
  
"Blarg. Oh well." He disappeared.  
  
Suddenly, evil fishes wielding chickens swam in, and attacked Hermione. Harry ate all of the fishes, and teleported the chickens away.  
  
Suddenly, the scene cut to black and appears 11 years, 11 months, and 1 day later.  
  
Harry is seen hugging his son, James Ron Harry Lily Hermione Potter-Granger ('Mione chose to keep her surname after getting married, so Ron has 2 last names!), as he got into the Hogwarts train. Hermione was the Transfiguration teacher now, as McGonagall had retired 7 years before.  
  
Harry was the DADA teacher.  
  
(CUT SCENE TO HALLOWEEN OF 3rd YEAR.) James and his 2 new friends, Draco and Lily were pulling pranks on random people, INCLUDING but NOT LIMITED TO Professor Snape and Professor Binns.  
  
Suddenly, Harry ran into the Great Hall, and Halloween happened again. Lily had been in the bathroom for 5 hours now, so it was obvious the orc was in there, attacking her, as she was screaming at the top of her lungs. James came in and saved the day, as usual. Lily made out with him.  
  
The author screamed, as his hands rebelled and typed things he didn't want to be said.  
  
The Moon exploded, saving all werewolves from killing people. Except for the fact that fragments of the Moon hit the Earth, killing hundreds of thousands of people, the wizarding world and the Muggle world were relatively peaceful.  
  
Until Voldemort's heir attacked them again, with new Death Eaters by his side.  
  
Then all hell broke loose.  
  
Again.  
  
The heir was..  
  
Cho Chang.  
  
James, Lily, and Draco teamed up against Cho, and eventually killed her with a spoon that deflected the obvious spell that emits a flash of green light back at Cho.  
  
We don't want to know what happens after that.  
  
Or do we?  
  
Epilogue  
  
James got married to Lily, pre-SS/PS happens again (without Voldie killing 'em).  
  
Draco got married to Ron's daughter, who was, ironically, named Ginny.  
  
Harry and Hermione had 50 more kids, and they were immortal. Because I said so.  
  
Also..  
  
Draco's last name is Malfoy. He's the books' Draco's son.  
  
Fin  
  
(A/N: Thanks for reading this chapter, review if you like. REVIEW ANSWERING TIME!)  
  
Pyx:WPI: You are the other random person!  
  
THE OTHER!  
  
Milkyway: .. to you, too.  
  
Mssr.Moony: Thanks.but I don't wanna monitor my sugar intake! It's too high for me to even look at it anymore! 


	7. The Newbies Strike Back!

(A/N: I have 17 reviews, good for me! *dance* *dance* *dance* *FINISH!*)  
  
(Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it, they're owned by Rowling. If I owned Potter and everything related to him, I'd be pumping out the last 3 books like blood instead of typing this chapter/fic!)  
  
This is a LOTR/HP/DBZ crossover chapter.  
  
I be Kuririn, who be owned by Akira Toriyama! ****************** = complete time and scene change. ----------------  
  
Harry woke up, grinning his head off. He looked next to him, gasped, and fainted. The thing next to him was..the chapter title!  
  
Chapter 7  
  
The Invasion of the Newbie Army  
  
Elsewhere, an enemy of the experienced class began to become a large army. They were armed with questions that'd make anyone run away screaming back to their houses. Their leader was none other than Ron!  
  
Ron: And there's something wrong with that?  
  
Kuririn: Uh.yes?  
  
Ron: Too bad! *hits Kuririn in head with iron pole, causing Ron to get author-like powers* Mwahahahahahaha!  
  
Harry suddenly woke up, cold sweat emanating from above his brow.  
  
Harry: What the heck was that.? *reads a couple of lines above this one* Wait. Now I remember. The author of this fic was assaulted by...Ron? No! It can't be!  
  
Hermione suddenly woke up beside him.  
  
Hermione: What's wrong?  
  
Harry screamed and ran into the wall while Hermione looked on. Suddenly, she burst out in laughter and jumped out the window, which was on the first floor of a building. A muffled "ouch!" was heard.  
  
Elsewhere yet again.  
  
Ron: Newbie Army! We shall attack all others and take over the world! Because we're too stupid to realize that there's a bunch of other worlds!  
  
One of the Newbies, Draco Malfoy, stood up suddenly. (The Newbies are sitting down.)  
  
Draco: We're too stupid, eh?  
  
Ron: Sit down, Malfoy.  
  
Draco: Make me.  
  
Ron: Of course I will. *makes Malfoy sit down with author powers*  
  
Draco: That's cheating!  
  
Ron: Oh, and you haven't ever cheated?  
  
Kuririn: .*wakes up, is in a prison cell, without author powers* Aww damn, I just had to argue with the king of newbies.  
  
Ron didn't hear that.  
  
Kuririn: Ah, good.  
  
2 weeks later.  
  
*****  
  
Ron's Newbie Army was 100,000 strong, but Kuririn had summoned, by telepathy, over ten million elves, Saiyajins, dwarves, hobbits, men, Ents, wizards, and witches to go to war in an Army of the Elite.  
  
Kuririn: You are a glorious Elite Army! Fly, and go to the Newbie stronghold of Pojo!  
  
The army cheered, and spun around. They began their march to Pojo, the Saiyajins flying, the hobbits, wizards, and witches traveling by horse, and everyone else by tank or foot.  
  
*****  
  
Ron: You are the great Newbie Army! Fly, and go to the Elite stronghold of the GCN HQ!  
  
THAT army went ".", and spun around. They began THEIR march towards GCN HQ on foot.  
  
Fifteen hours later, the armies finally met. The Saiyajins fired very small blasts that killed 10 of the Newbies apiece, the Elves shot arrows that pierced flesh and bone, the hobbits killing Newbies with daggers and swords, the dwarves and Ents by axe and fist, the wizards and witches with dueling spells that were magnified, and the Men firing huge shells from their tanks.  
  
Harry, Hermione, Gohan, Frodo, Aragorn, and Gandalf were in the Army of the Elite.  
  
It was a hellhole on Earth. I'm telling you this now. A hellhole in which a gigantic battle, not very unlike the battle at Helm's Deep, took place.  
  
Meanwhile, Kuririn regained his author powers after at least half a month, and appeared in the middle of the battle. He shot out one hand, causing half of the remaining Newbie Army soldiers to cease to exist. The Saiyajins suddenly powered up large blasts and shot them at the remaining part of the Newbie Army, causing them to be annihilated instantly.  
  
Ron had run back to his tower, but the Army of the Elite went after him, and caught him alive; he was brought back to Kuririn, who removed the evil in Ron's heart, and most of the author powers. He left the omnipotence in Ron, but he gave omnipotence to Harry and Hermione, also.  
  
EPILOGUE  
  
Kuririn disappeared, appearing back in his own home with Android #18.  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione came back to Hogwarts, as it was during their Christmas break.  
  
Aragorn, Gandalf, Gimli, Frodo, and crew reappeared where they were in Middle-earth/the Grey Seas before Kuririn summoned them.  
  
Gohan and crew came back to their Earth. After 2 years, his daughter Pan was born, and you know what happened next.  
  
(A/N: That was the longest chapter I've ever typed.It took me over 2 hours to type it, and I went over a lot of ideas before finally deciding on this one.  
  
Please read and review.)  
  
Answers to reviews here!  
  
Kitty: Thanks! I like chickens; they taste like chicken when they're roasted.  
  
Jami Radcliffe: You get it, eh? Good! 'Cos the next chapter's gonna be TWICE as weird! ^_^  
  
ElijahWoodLuver304: It's quite random, too. Thanks for saying that it's interesting, 'cos it is. ^_^;;  
  
Next Chapter: The HP crew will suddenly be attacked by pink fluffy bunnies from Mars! Stay tuned for the next episode of Dragonba-er, the next chapter of Random Insanity of an HP Humor Fic Author!  
  
*Chapter Title: Mars Bunnies Attack!* 


	8. Mars Bunnies Attack!

(A/N: So many chapters, so little time to type 'em!)  
  
Disclaimer: I belong to me. Potter, Granger, Malfoy, etc. belong to Rowling- sama.  
  
I, the author, proclaim the form of Kuririn, the property of Akira Toriyama! YEP.  
  
CHAPTER EIGHT  
  
THE INSANITY OF THE SELF-INSERTED FANFIC  
  
OR  
  
MARS BUNNIES ATTACK!  
  
Yup, you guessed it.  
  
Okay, let's get to the chapter, durnit.  
  
Suddenly, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger-Potter burst out of the wall, snogging. They crashed into Kuririn, and then they got up, went into a room, and you know what happens next.wait, you don't? Wait until 5th grade, they teach you about it then.  
  
-----------  
  
The author screamed yet again as a calculator attacked him, and a bunch of pencils typed for him.  
  
-----------  
  
Harry: Did you hear that?  
  
Hermione: Naw, you're just hearing things.  
  
*They resume doing what they're doing*  
  
-----------  
  
Kuririn: Damn ungrateful characters.  
  
Harry: WHAT WAS THAT?  
  
Kuririn: *repeats what he just said, only louder*  
  
Harry blinked.  
  
Kuririn: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh?  
  
Harry: .  
  
Hermione: You did?  
  
--------  
  
Ron: You did?  
  
Lavender: You did?  
  
--------  
  
Everyone else: You did?  
  
--------  
  
Harry: YES, I DID!  
  
All: Oh. Okay then.  
  
Kuririn suddenly messily combusted, and then reappeared.  
  
Kuririn: What happened to you guys?  
  
All: *glare at Kuririn*  
  
Everyone was covered in blood/guts/anything that's inside Kuririn's body at the moment.  
  
Oops.  
  
*fixes it*  
  
Narrator: And so, the day became even more insane, with rubber chickens spouting out of the wall, and Fred and George dragging Percy in with one carrot in each of his nostrils.  
  
(It did?)  
  
Narrator: Ask yourself that.  
  
(Okay.)  
  
(It did?)  
  
Yep.  
  
(Oh. Good.)  
  
THE BEST..PART..OF WAKING UP..IS FOLGERS IN YOUR CUP! Everybody: *looks at Kuririn weirdly*  
  
What?  
  
WHAT?  
  
Everybody: Nothing.  
  
Suddenly, pink fluffy bunnies attacked!  
  
Hermione: Ooh, how cute!  
  
All other girls within a 200-mile radius: Ooh, how cute!  
  
Woo.  
  
And the chapter comes to a short end.  
  
Narrator: THE END.OR IS IT?  
  
All: IT BETTER BE!  
  
Narrator and I: Too bad!  
  
(A/N: Wasn't that an odd chapter? It wasn't? *cries for seven days and seven nights*  
  
It was? Oh, goody!)  
  
There were no reviews submitted between the posting of chapter seven and this chapter, so there are no review answers in this chapter.  
  
Next: The evil CD cases plot against me yet again..AAH! THEY'RE HERE!  
  
*Chappie title: The Attack of the CD Cases* 


	9. The Attack of the CD Cases

(A/N: Whee!)  
  
Disclaimer: Read previous chapters for disclaimer.  
  
You know what I hate?  
  
Two words: Bad spelling.  
  
I'm doing this in movie script format.  
  
------  
  
Suddenly, HARRY popped up out of nowhere, and a bunch of random characters appeared and fell on him.  
  
HARRY: Ow.  
  
The CHAPTER TITLE chose to fall from the sky at that time, and hit everyone.  
  
ALL: OW!  
  
CHAPTER NINE  
  
THE ATTACK OF THE CD CASES  
  
HARRY: ...  
  
----  
  
KURIRIN: You did?  
  
----  
  
EVERYONE ELSE: You did?!  
  
HERMIONE chose that moment to make out with HARRY again.  
  
And HARRY chose that moment to run to the nearest bedroom.  
  
(A/N: Meaning this chapter's rating gets bumped up to R if the scene is shown.)  
  
ALL (minus HARRY and HERMIONE, who are currently doing "something"): Otay then.  
  
-------  
  
RON suddenly jumped out of a wall and began to hex KURIRIN over and over, angry about his evil role in CHAPTER 7. And being defeated.  
  
KURIRIN: ..What, you thought those hexes were actually going to work on me? *grins*  
  
KURIRIN suddenly shot a small blast at RON, causing him to fly back into the wall he broke into KURIRIN's 'humble' abode with.  
  
-----  
  
SMALL AMOUNT OF H/H SMUT SCENE IS SHOWN, BEFORE BEING CENS0RED AGAIN  
  
-----  
  
3 hours later...  
  
HARRY and HERMIONE walked out of the bedroom, panting.  
  
FRED and GEORGE: What were you two doing in there?  
  
HARRY and HERMIONE, blushing quite heavily: Nothing.  
  
FRED and GEORGE, whispering: We know what you "did." *wink*  
  
(A/N: Bad Weasley twins! Implying that they did "that" in a fic rated PG! DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO BE PUT BACK INTO..*drumroll, dramatic music* THE BOX?!)  
  
FRED and GEORGE: No.  
  
(A/N: Okay then.)  
  
Suddenly, a KAMIKAZE WATERMELON went whizzing by, hitting RON in the face, causing his head to fall off.  
  
GINNY and LAVENDER, RON's love slaves: Noooo! Ron!  
  
KURIRIN: Oh, put a sock in it! *makes GINNY and LAVENDER make out with each other*  
  
(A/N: No, I am not doing this to gross everyone out; I'm doing this to make myself, and hopefully some others, laugh.)  
  
-------  
  
A STICK FIGURE walks up to a machine and presses a button with a brick wall above it. A few cars drive by, but hit the wall.  
  
The STICK walks up to the next button, which releases the KAMIKAZE WATERMELON. It presses the button, and the KAMIKAZE WATERMELON crashes into the wall.  
  
The STICK walks up to the NEXT button, which causes the EARTH to explode.  
  
It presses the button, and everyone dies.  
  
KURIRIN presses a button next to his computer that restores EVERYTHING except for the STICK FIGURE. (Which is stolen from a Flash movie named "The Demented Cartoon Movie," quite frankly.)  
  
And here...  
  
...is where the fic ends!  
  
Not!  
  
Suddenly, a CD CASE hit KURIRIN on the head.  
  
Another one hit HERMIONE, and then it began to rain CD CASES.  
  
Also, some ICE CREAM began to rain down from the sky.  
  
KURIRIN: *eats some ice cream* Mmm..*is hit by a CD CASE* Aaaah! It's the end of the world!  
  
A sign dropped from the sky, and hit KURIRIN in the head. It read: {REPENT, REPENT, AND SIN NO MORE!}  
  
KURIRIN repented.  
  
The CD CASES stopped falling.  
  
THE WORLD WAS SAVED ONCE AGAIN, THANKS TO THE SMALL VERSION OF KURIRIN FROM DBZ! *Japanese DBZ theme begins to play*  
  
KURIRIN: Um, what was I doing?  
  
HARRY and HERMIONE: *grin at each other, and head back to the bedroom, where the cens0ring began once again.  
  
KURIRIN: Oi.  
  
(A/N: Thanks for the reviews!  
  
Ivory Tower: Wow, you reviewed four times in a row!  
  
a. It reminds you of a movie? Odd, I didn't seem to want it to do that..  
  
b. Bunnies! THE ODDNESS IS INVADING THE PRINGLES CANS! AAAH!  
  
c. Suddenly, the Sun grew smaller, but it ate a piece of chicken and became normal again! Rather, 'normal' as an insane one would say.  
  
d. I won't stop the insanity!  
  
An army appeared, saying "STOP THE INSANITY!"  
  
No!  
  
NO!  
  
NO!  
  
The army imploded.)  
  
Snippets from the Next Chapter:  
  
Trelawney: I have foreseen that the house-elves' pie will attack soon! BE ON YOUR NERVES!  
  
Harry and Ron quit the class, suddenly, because it was becoming too routinely.  
  
That was when the pie attacked Hogwarts again, quite frankly.  
  
CHAPTER 10  
  
or  
  
INSANE WARS: EPISODE II  
  
ATTACK OF THE PIES  
  
See you next chapter! 


	10. Stupidly Long Chapter Title

Random Insanity of an HP Humor Fic (10/?)  
  
Keywords: random, insanity, of, an, hp, humor, fic, harry, Hermione, star wars, clones  
  
(A/N: The huge chapter we've all been waiting for.isn't really that huge, but still.)  
  
Summary: A parody of Attack of the Clones, except with Harry Potter characters. And wands instead of lightsabers. Insanity galore.  
  
The snippet from the last chapter was false, as I decided to make this one a little more serious.  
  
(Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling (HP #5 release date = 06/21! Star Wars belongs to George Lucas, LucasArts, etc. So does the script, sorta.)  
  
(The clones are clones of Lucius Malfoy.)  
  
A long time ago, in a country far, far away.  
  
*CUE STAR WARS THEME MUSIC*  
  
INSANE WARS EPISODE II ATTACK OF THE PIES  
  
There is unrest in the Wizard Senate. Several thousand people have declared their intentions to leave the side of the Aurors.  
  
This separatist movement, under the leadership of Count Flitwick, has made it difficult for the limited number of certain students currently in their sixth years at Hogwarts to maintain peace and order in the country.  
  
Senator Hermione is returning to the Wizard Senate to vote on the critical issue of creating an ARMY OF THE AURORS to assist the overwhelmed students.  
  
PAN UP to reveal the amber city of Hog End. (A/N: Name stolen from LOTR, sorta.)  
  
Two small airplanes (with riders) fly OVER CAMERA toward the planet, followed by a large cruiser and one more 'plane pilot.  
  
------  
  
SCENE: INTERIOR CRUISER-DAWN  
  
Two SECURITY OFFICERS and one of SENATOR HERMIONE's best friends (Ron) address the SENATOR as the Cruiser nears the planet.  
  
Ron: Senator, we're making our final approach in to Hog End. Senator Hermione: Very good, Ron.  
  
-------  
  
Suddenly, the cruiser exploded, and the Hermione in there turned out to be a decoy. FAST FORWARD TO BEGINNING OF WAR AGAINST VOLDIE, YO.  
  
A bunch of droids from the real movie suddenly came in and began firing their blasters at the Aurors.  
  
Harry, Sirius, and a bunch of other Aurors took out their wands and a bunch of advanced curses suddenly came out and the droids were knocked back, some of them destroyed. Suddenly, Anakin (From the real movie) came in, ignited his lightsaber, and sliced half of the droids in half with one hand.  
  
Harry: Nice moves. Anakin: Thanks.  
  
Suddenly, about 500 Jedi came out and ignited their lightsabers, deflecting the blaster shots back at the droids.  
  
Flitwick signaled, and thousands of droids started to pour into the arena. (Harry, Hermione, and Sirius were to be executed in that arena, but they evaded it.)  
  
The battle continues, and many Jedi, Aurors, and droids fall. Suddenly, six gunships are descending toward the arena. Dumbledore appears at the door of one of the gunships, signaling for the gunships to create a perimeter around the survivors. The remaining Aurors and Jedi scramble into the gunships.  
  
-----  
  
Flitwick, Dooku, Poggle, etc. are in a control room, gaping at how many stormtroopers suddenly arrived.  
  
----  
  
The gunships land near where a bunch of starships (that look very much like the Death Star) are. They fire at the starships, and one of them explodes. Suddenly, Flitwick zooms past in a Firebolt. As the gunship Harry and Hermione are on go toward Flitwick, Hermione and one of the clones fall out because of a sand dune the gunship hit.  
  
The gunship finally reaches Flitwick's hangar. Sirius and Harry (equipped with lightsabers) run inside the tower.  
  
A clone suddenly gawked, and began dancing like a chicken.  
  
Suddenly, the hangar exploded, with Sirius and Harry smacking Flitwick backwards with their lightsabers. Suddenly, Dumbledore came out and effectively cut up Flitwick's ship, ruining any chance for a sequel to this chapter! Harry's left arm suddenly came off at the elbow, restoring the chance for a sequel to this chapter. ------  
  
Flitwick appeared in Hog End, talking with Darth Sidious (Voldemort).  
  
------  
  
Dumbledore, Finnigan, and Black all speak about the Clone War. Black says that it was a victory, but Dumbledore states that it was not a victory, and that the Great Clone War has begun.  
  
------  
  
SCENE: LAKE RETREAT, HOGWARTS, LODGE, GARDEN-LATE DAY  
  
In a rose-covered arbor overlooking the sparkling lake, Harry and Hermione stand before a Hogwarts holy man.  
  
(A/N: I'm taking this from the script of Star Wars Episode II, so blame me if it doesn't make sense.wait, it's not supposed to.)  
  
Fourpio and Arthree stand by, watching, as the holy man blesses the happy couple (did I tell you they were dating before?) and, amid gently falling rose petals, Harry and Hermione kiss.  
  
Which means that all us H/H shippers' dreams come true.  
  
(A/N: I have something against H/G shippys.)  
  
Which caused Episode IV to come into view. Except Harry wouldn't turn evil.  
  
Finnigan would.  
  
And, of course, the Potters would be there to stop him.  
  
Hopefully.  
  
But what if they weren't?  
  
Then all hell would break loose.  
  
We hope that doesn't happen.  
  
Because if it does.  
  
We'll be there to stop it.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE III.  
  
(A/N: Did this make sense? What, it didn't? Good!  
  
REVIEW ANSWERS! WOO!  
  
Chickabiddy: =|  
  
ElijahWoodLuver304: What little fights? O_o  
  
(See y'all next chapter!)  
  
Ooh, look at the pretty purple button in the corner that says "Submit Review!"  
  
Press it! Please?  
  
You will? Yay!  
  
What? You won't? BUT I WANT MORE REVIEWS! (I want 27 reviews total before I finish the next chapter! And that might take a while.) Ooh, what does this button do? *presses it, causing huge explosion to blow up Iraq* Oopsies. Uh, I think I'm dragging this way too far.  
  
Now to do the "Next Chapter" preview!  
  
Okay?  
  
NEXT CHAPTER:  
  
"But what happened to you?" Harry said.  
  
"I don't know, dammit!" Kuririn replied.  
  
Hermione piped in timidly, "Can you guys stop arguing, please?"  
  
"Okaaay." Harry and Kuririn said in unison.  
  
CHAPTER ELEVEN  
  
THE FLIGHT OF THE FOOL  
  
OR  
  
THE LORD OF THE PINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE PING  
  
Woo! 


	11. Transformationistity

A/N: Yay! New chapter!  
  
*fans swarm Author's house, causing him to be forced to live in a cardboard box*  
  
Aww man, they did it AGAIN!  
  
Oh well, on with the story!  
  
Harry: You forgot the disclaimer!  
  
You can do it for me!  
  
Harry: Fine, fine.  
  
Harry: Harry Potter and anything related to the books belong to J.K. Rowling. Everything else belongs to me, 'cept Kuririn, who belongs to Akira Toriyama.  
  
Yay! On with the chapter-typing-ness!  
  
----  
  
Harry Potter was just walkin' around, when he got annihilated by the chapter title, who was being chased by a flashback.  
  
Chapter Title: Aieee!  
  
Flashback: Stop running, damnit!  
  
CHAPTER XIII  
  
THE TRANSFORMATION  
  
*Warning! Warning! Temporal distortion detected!*  
  
Kuririn: Aw cra-  
  
Kuririn got transported to some random person's lab, and said person had a hell of a lot of Saiyajin and Pokemon DNA, and lots of metal parts.  
  
Suddenly, his entire right side burnt off, and the Saiyajin and Pokemon DNA were inserted into his left arm. The metal parts were put onto his right side, and skin was put over 'em.  
  
---  
  
Author: That was short, wasn't it?  
  
Rabid Fans: OF COURSE IT WAS.  
  
Author: Aiee!  
  
The Author attempted to run away from the Rabid Fans.  
  
---  
  
Kuririn: What the hell is happening to me...?  
  
Evil Voice: Mwahahahahahaha!  
  
Kuririn: Who are you?  
  
Evil Voice: Why, I am...  
  
Wily: Dr. Wily!  
  
Kuririn: Who?  
  
Wily: You know, the guy who created Zero from Megaman X?  
  
Kuririn: Nope. Still don't know you.  
  
Wily: Bah, who cares...Computer, activate power surges one through eight!  
  
Kuririn: Power sur-  
  
Suddenly, a huge amount of energy was forced into Kuririn's body, and 7 more, each larger than the last, were forced into his body. Kuririn's body let out a little bit of steam, and then he grinned.  
  
Kuririn: Dr. Wily, did you REALLY think that would work?  
  
Wily: Nope.  
  
Kuririn: Oh well.  
  
Kuririn blasted the top of the Skull Fortress, causing it to begin to implode.  
  
As usual, Wily got away in his saucer, but Kuririn couldn't teleport back to the DBZ world yet, because he didn't know how to travel through time.  
  
Kuririn: Wait, can't I just press this yellow button?  
  
Yup.  
  
Kuririn: Okay.  
  
Kuririn pressed the yellow button, and was transported to a world where the Harry Potter characters existed, and also the DBZ characters.  
  
Kuririn: Uh...where the hell am I now?  
  
Gokou: Sure aren't in hell!  
  
Kuririn: Gokou, is that you?  
  
Gokou: Yup.  
  
Kuririn: Whee! The pie runs rampant!  
  
Gokou: Hey, that was MY line!  
  
Kuririn: It's mine now! Muwahahahaha!  
  
Suddenly, a swarm of flying chickens without wings flew by Gokou and Kuririn's ears, and they both jumped.  
  
Wingless Flying Chicken #1: Hullo!  
  
Kuririn: What the hell are you?  
  
Wingless Flying Chickens #1-600: We're the Wingless Flying Chickens!  
  
Kuririn: Oh!  
  
You see, Kuririn, I put 'em in this chapter because I wanted to.  
  
All: Author!  
  
What?  
  
All: You've broken the fourth wall again!  
  
I have?  
  
All: No.  
  
Oh!  
  
Suddenly, James Potter flew by on some broom, and crashed into Kuririn.  
  
Kuririn: Hey, James! You okay?  
  
James: Yeah, just hurt.  
  
Kuririn: Yay! Now we get to go and eat Hogwarts again!  
  
Gokou: What's Hogwarts?  
  
Kuririn: School of witchcraft and wizardry.  
  
Gokou: Oh.  
  
Kuririn: Can I type some random crap again?  
  
Gokou: Okay!  
  
Kuririn and Author: Some random crap again! Some random crap again! Woo!  
  
...Wha?  
  
Kuririn: Cheesy!  
  
Aha!  
  
(Okay, back to the story.)  
  
Hijink: Where are we NOW?  
  
Slippyslideperson: My name is Aryll.  
  
Hijink: Damn! We've lost another name to Nintendo!  
  
Aryll: Don't worry, fake brother! We'll get the copyright back!  
  
Hijink: But YOUR name is copyrighted with Nintendo!  
  
Aryll: Oh crap!  
  
Suddenly, about 500 ninjas recruited by Shigeru Miyamoto surrounded the two, and then Hijink charged up his patented Supaa Spin Attack.  
  
Hijink: Take thees!  
  
Hijink swung the fully charged Master Sword around, and the force of a hurricane hit the ninjas, blowing them through the floor of the ocean.  
  
Hijink: I win!  
  
Kuririn: Aryll!  
  
Hijink: ...Argh!  
  
Aryll: Kuririn!!  
  
Kuririn: Aryll, how I've missed you!  
  
Aryll: Oh, Kuririn!  
  
Aryll walks over to Kuririn and puts her head on his shoulder.  
  
Hijink and Author: This is getting too mushy..  
  
Suddenly, Aryll was teleported a few feet away.  
  
Kuririn: Wha...Author!  
  
Your fault for acting so romance-y!  
  
Kuririn: That's 'cos Aryll and I love each other!  
  
Don't make me shift the rating to PG-13!  
  
Kuririn: Noo! Don't!  
  
The Author uncovered the lever that changed the ratings, and changed it to PG-13.  
  
Kuririn: Noooooooooo!  
  
Suddenly, Kuririn and Aryll were turned into Ron and Lavender.  
  
Ron: What the hell..AUTHOR! CHANGE ME BACK!  
  
Lavender: I kinda like this body.  
  
Ron: What?  
  
Lavender: I said I liked it!  
  
Ron: Okay...jeez, no one appreciates the guy with a hearing problem..  
  
The Author turned Ron back into Kuririn, except that Kuririn now had realistic eyes, realistic hair, and a nose!  
  
...Whoa! Now you look kinda cool!  
  
Kuririn: I do?  
  
Yup!  
  
Kuririn: Yay!  
  
Kuririn got so excited by this news that he transformed into a Supaa Saiyajin.  
  
Lavender/Aryll: Whoa...that's cool!  
  
SSj Kuririn: What is?  
  
Lavender/Aryll: Your eyes turned green, and your hair turned blonde!  
  
SSj Kuririn: I went Supaa Saiyajin?!  
  
Lavender/Aryll: Yup!  
  
Kuririn powered down, and he became normal Kuririn again.  
  
Kuririn: Yellow-y.  
  
Lavender: I like cheeses.  
  
Harry: Funky chicken!  
  
Hermione: Why am I in this chapter, anyways? I haven't been seen since..uh..2 chapters ago!  
  
Harry: Too frickin' bad!  
  
Hermione: Harr-  
  
It was at that moment that Harry decided to start making out with Hermione again, and so they did so.  
  
Kuririn: I'm feeling lonely.  
  
Kuririn started to make out with Aryll, who was in Lavender's body, and they somehow moved into a bedroom, where they were found the next day under the covers, and if I revealed what happened, the rating would be raised to R.  
  
About 40,000 people: Or NC-17, if the damn ff.net admins didn't decide to take out that rating!  
  
Whoa...so many people.  
  
Entire Population of China: Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese--  
  
Okay you guys, shut up!  
  
Entire Population of China: Aww!  
  
I don't need to spam stuff to get over 1,000 words in one chapter!  
  
Entire Population of China: Yes you do! Chee-  
  
SILENCE! I already have over 1,000 words! I don't need 2,000...wait, yes I do!  
  
Kuririn: Okay, done!  
  
Harry: Am done!  
  
Hermione: Whoa! Harry, that was some good-  
  
Silence! There are 10-year-olds reading this stuff!  
  
H, H, K, L/A: There ARE?!  
  
Duh! Why else would I have changed the rating?  
  
Wait...I didn't actually change it...that was a fake lever!  
  
Kuririn: YOU DIE NOW!  
  
Kuririn fired a blast about the size of Pennsylvania at me, and I just barely smacked it into space, where it disintegrated an asteroid.  
  
Whoa...that was fun.  
  
Kuririn: Meh. You're just lucky that you weren't hit.  
  
I am, eh?  
  
Kuririn: Yes, of course you are!  
  
No I'm not!  
  
Kuririn: Yes you are!  
  
NO I'M NOT!  
  
Lavender/Aryll: Both of you shut up!  
  
Kuririn, Author: As you wish.  
  
Harry: That was pointless.  
  
Hermione: Tell me about it.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
(A/N: This is so long!  
  
Author Clone: It is?  
  
Author: Yup.  
  
No reviews were submitted after I posted the last chapter! ;.;  
  
Fine, fine.  
  
NEXT CHAPTER  
  
CHAPTER XIV  
  
I WANNA GET PSYCHO  
  
Well, well, well! I'm taking the name off of the chorus of Disturbed - Meaning of Life!  
  
This one will have the most random and insane things in the history of FanFiction.Net!  
  
You're absolutely correct! THE SEIZURE ROBOTS!  
  
Er...-whistles-  
  
Kuririn: Why must I put up with a guy who steals copyrights left and right..  
  
Because I said so, say?  
  
Kuririn: You're not a gangster...you're not a gangster... 


	12. The Flight O' The Fool

(A/N: I like cheeses.)  
  
Harry got hit in the head by the letter "o" again.  
  
Harry: Ow! Damn it, Kuririn.  
  
*Chapter title smacks Harry in the face*  
  
CHAPTER ELEVEN  
  
THE FLIGHT OF THE FOOL  
  
Harry: Owies.  
  
---------------  
  
Kuririn: Beer me up, bartender!  
  
Ran: *grumble*  
  
Kuririn poked Ran, which caused him to deactivate, and another Ran came in.  
  
Ran: Hey! Stop that!  
  
Kuririn poked Ran a couple hundred million more times over the next four hours. Then he fired a blast out of his hand that made the tower of the Ran bodies fall over, and it killed 315 people, not including Ran.  
  
Kuririn: Whoa.  
  
-----------  
  
Harry: Did I just see Kuririn fool around with Ran?  
  
Plague, Dave, other random people from the Bob and George chatroom: Kill.the one.who exploits.the regenerator.  
  
Harry: Dah.  
  
Communist Dr. Light: Da.  
  
Communist Dr. Wily: Da.  
  
--------------------  
  
Ran: Da.  
  
Kuririn: Da.  
  
--------------  
  
Hermione: Da.  
  
--------------  
  
Krum: Da.  
  
Parvati: Da.  
  
Lavender: Da.  
  
Ginny: Da.  
  
Ron: Da.  
  
---------------  
  
Jackson: Okay! Guys, scene 102, the flight from the ford, take fourteen! And.action!  
  
Nazgul No. 5: Give us the ringbearer.  
  
Arwen: If you want him, come and get him.  
  
*Nazgul almost go across river while Arwen speaks random well-placed words in Elvish, causing a huge wave that looks like a bunch of people riding horses to form, hitting the Nazgul*  
  
---------------  
  
Kuririn: I am so on crack.  
  
Ran: You got that right.  
  
1 hour later.  
  
Kuririn: Dude, Ran, why are there two of you?  
  
2 hours later.  
  
Ran: Kuririn, here, have some pretzels.  
  
Kuririn: Nah, I'll call it quits. Those things give me the shlits.  
  
*Laugh track begins, ends after about 5 seconds*  
  
3 hours later.  
  
Kuririn: Ran, quirky personalities in robots are so 5 minutes from now!  
  
Ran: Whoa.the trip must be going bad.  
  
(A/N: I'm on crack, and I'm stealing jokes from Bob and George and the Beer Song.)  
  
-------------  
  
Harry and Hermione were seen making out with each other, with a table mysteriously rising up above them, ready to fall upon their heads.  
  
The person holding the table let go.  
  
-------------  
  
A loud yell was heard throughout the continent of North America. Kuririn got up from his seat at the bar, and flew over to Harry and Hermione's place, where the scene changed to a flashback.  
  
------------- *FLASHBACK*  
  
The person holding the table let go.  
  
The table smacked Hermione and Harry on the tops and backs of their heads, somehow.  
  
They yelled really loud, and then fell unconscious.  
  
Someone laughed evilly.  
  
We get a really short glimpse of the evil guy's face, and it turns out to be GEORGE W. BUSH!  
  
*END FLASHBACK* -------------  
  
Ran died.  
  
And then he regenerated.  
  
To be one with the Bob and George community.  
  
You must kill Ran.  
  
And eat ice cream.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.  
  
A/N: Yeesh, I take forever to type these.  
  
Okay, now for review answering time!  
  
Weee!  
  
Chickabiddy: Heh, you know what the Very Secret Diaries are, then.  
  
ElijahWoodLuver304: Thankies! ^_~ (for both reviews)  
  
Happysunshine: Love you too. :D  
  
Jamie: Whee! The flying chickens bombard my magazine with shoes!  
  
RaistlinofMetallica: I have one word to say to you: Woo. And "to you."  
  
The Author: Whee.  
  
No next chapter snippets or title, because they're misleading now. Oh, bugger that, I'm just going to show you the chapter title.  
  
CHAPTER 12  
  
THE WIND SLEEPER  
  
This fic is constantly changing.from a HP fanfic to a DBZ/HP fanfic to a DBZ/HP/LOTR fic, and now it's a DBZ/HP/LOTR/LOZ fic! Where do I move this, you ask? (Oh, and I'm going to bash Bush next chapter. On purpose. ^_^)  
  
.  
  
I don't?  
  
Oh.  
  
Yay!  
  
[Note: Any injury obtained from this fanfic is your fault, meaning you can't sue me for it. Neener neener neener! :p] 


	13. Yet Another Game Parody

Random Insanity From An HP Humor Fic Author (12/20)  
  
(A/N: My DSL's router committed suicide, so it took me a long while to upload this. Sorry. ^_^  
  
On a good note, this is my first offline chapter! Ain't that a hoot?  
  
Also, if you hadn't guessed it by the chapter number a couple of lines ago, I'm ending this fanfic at chapter 20. Why, you ask? It's because I need to start typing other fanfics. My next fanfic will probably be a DBZ/HP crossover, a LOZ/LOTR crossover, or an HP/LOTR crossover. The categories'll probably be Humor/Romance, Romance/Parody, Humor/Parody, or Romance/Angst.  
  
I haven't decided yet, but I've narrowed it down to those 3 choices. After that fanfic, I'm going to type a DBZ fic, then an HP one. The DBZ one will be a one-chapter humor fic, and the HP one's going to be a short humor/romance one, probably 2 chapters long.  
  
Disclaimer: Meh.)  
  
CHAPTER XII  
  
THE WIND SLEEPER  
  
Part I: Introduction  
  
*FLASHBACK* Hijink I: Die. Wanondork died. *END FLASHBACK*  
  
And so, Hijink had defeated Wanondork after getting the Piccolo of Cheese. One hundred million kajillion mamillion bififfillion years later, some random kid, also named Hijink, wore said Hijink's clothes (were they washed?) on his 12th birthday.  
  
He got a shield and some sword, and put 'em to use. Then a flying shoe kidnapped his sister, who was named Slippyslideperson. Then Hijink got sent across the planet when the shoe kicked him. After that, Hijink just got all these weird weapons. (This part begins before the final battle.) Kinda odd backstory, don't ya think?  
  
Suddenly, Hijink and Slippyslideperson appeared in Washington, D.C. again (they'd been there in 2000), where they were almost searched by the police there until Link cut 'em up. Suddenly, Bush's face appeared over the entire planet, ordering them to send all of their oil to the White House!  
  
Hijink XXXIX: Damn, that guy's a fecking dictator now.  
  
Slippyslideperson: Tell me about it.  
  
Hijink: Oh well, now to abide by the author's wishes and bash Bush.  
  
Kuririn: By bash, Mr. "I'm-a-parody-of-a-video-game-character", I meant "make fun of", not "beat the hell out of."  
  
Hijink: Aww. You ruin my fun.  
  
Kuririn: Good for me.  
  
----------  
  
We interrupt this program to give you a very important announcement!  
  
Kuririn: If you are offended by my semi-childish bashing of Bush, skip this part and go on to the next. I shall mark the parts. Thank you.  
  
----------  
  
Part II: The Bashing of the Bush II  
  
Hijink: Hey Bush, have you had people pee on you!  
  
Kuririn, Hijink, Slippyslideperson: Ahahahah!  
  
Bush: Grr...Secret Service! GET THEM!  
  
Kuririn and Hijink: Bring it on.  
  
The Secret Service ran at Kuririn 'n' Hijink, who both took out their swords (not THOSE ones, you perverts!) and smacked the SS in the face with 'em. The entire SS fell down, unconscious.  
  
Bush: Er...  
  
Kuririn: Give up, Mr. "Iraq has WMD, the US doesn't?"  
  
Bush: Yes, mister. Spare me!  
  
Audience: AHAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
Bush: Hey! There were people watching that?!  
  
All (minus Bush) Duh!  
  
----------  
  
Hermione: I like cheeses.  
  
Harry: As do I. Let us make out, Hermione, my love.  
  
They did so.  
  
Ron: I like pies.  
  
Lavender and Ginny: As do we.  
  
Ron: Let us all make out and/or do something that would only be typed in an R-rated and/or NC-17-rated fanfic!  
  
They did the smut scene, complete with censor line thangs.  
  
----------  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Kuririn: Why?  
  
Bush: Why?  
  
Hijink: You two have too much free time.  
  
Suddenly, the scene cuts forward to 2004, where Bush is voted out of the presidency by 290,000,000 votes to Bill McGore, the biggest presidential election loss since Ronald Reagan got shot by the Democratic candidate, but that'd bring up controversy, because the president in 2004 would be a Democrat!  
  
----------  
  
McGore: Hi, people!  
  
People: Hi!  
  
McGore: How y'all doing?  
  
People: Fine!  
  
McGore: That's good to know. What'd you do this weekend?  
  
People: *silent*  
  
Random Person: I went to Japan!  
  
Other Person: Hush!  
  
McGore: Yay.  
  
----------  
  
Part III: The Randomness and Kuririn Making Out with Someone  
  
Kuririn: Am I that insane?  
  
Hijink: Yup.  
  
Slippyslideperson: I love you, Kuririn! Let us make out!  
  
Kuririn: Okay!  
  
Slippyslideperson and Hijink made out in a closet somewhere, and weren't found 'till some person stumbled upon them.  
  
(A/N: I have WAY too much time on my hands.)  
  
Kuririn: I do? *goes back to making out with Hijink's sister*  
  
(A/N: Yup.)  
  
Suddenly, Hijink burst into the closet, fuming.  
  
Hijink: Slippyslideperson! You were making out with HIM?!  
  
Slippyslideperson: Duh! Am I not allowed to or something?  
  
Hijink: You are NOT allowed to be making out with...with...HIM!  
  
Kuririn: Was that supposed to be an insult?  
  
Suddenly, Hijink's sister slapped Hijink in the face! (Whee! I'm falling down into the romance category, I am, I am! Now feed me!)  
  
Slippyslideperson: I am in LOVE with Kuririn, if you didn't know, and he's in love with me! You have NO say in what I do!  
  
Kuririn turned away, and it was apparent that he was blushing.  
  
Hijink: Fine, fine. But, Kuririn, if you do ANYTHING that makes her come to me crying, I am going to personally maim and/or kill you. Capiche?  
  
Kuririn: Got it.  
  
Kuririn and Slippyslideperson resumed their wild makeout fest, which involved them grabbing at parts of each other's bodies. And, as if on cue, the *CENSORED* sign covered them.  
  
(A/N: Yay! Now I don't have to raise this to PG-13!)  
  
FF.Net People in White Coats: Oh, yes you do!  
  
(A/N: AAAAH! THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY, HAHA! THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY! THE EVIL MEN IN THE LITTLE WHITE COATS, THEY'RE TAKING ME TO A ROOM WITH PADDED WALLS! THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY, HAHA! THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY!)  
  
Whee. The randomness is just being FUN.  
  
Randomness: I am?  
  
Eyyup. Isn't that cool?  
  
Randomness: Uh-huh.  
  
Do you know how to flip that bowl so that it hits the flying shoe in the face?  
  
Randomness: Yeah, I do.  
  
Good. I have a task force for you. Er, a task.  
  
Randomness: Lemme guess. You have a score to settle with the flying shoe, and I have to do it?  
  
Eyyup.  
  
Randomness: I have no choice otherwise, so oh well. I'll do it.  
  
The Randomness flipped the bowl, and it hit the flying shoe in the face, killing it.  
  
And, as we all know, this had nothing to do with the Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker for th' GCN, except for Part I.  
  
Good for me.  
  
(A/N: Yay! 7 pages, and not a bead of sweat!  
  
No reviews were reviewed, once again, between the posting of Chapter XI and Chapter XII. Good going, you've broken my heart by not reviewing. ;_;  
  
Oh well.  
  
CHAPTER XIII  
  
THE TRANSFORMATION  
  
This next chapter involves wingless flying chickens and my origin story; that is, how I got to be the part-Saiyajin, part-human/wizard, part-cyborg, part-Pokemon I am now from that weak little thang you see in DBZ and/or GT.  
  
Oh, and I have way too much time on my hands, as you see earlier in this chapter of the fic. ^_^  
  
Sayonara!  
  
'Till we meet again!  
  
Ja ne!~  
  
-Kuririn, the Embodiment of Insanity 


	14. I Wanna Get Psycho

A/N: After 3 shutdowns of this computer while I was typing this (and a long, long 3-month wait), the fourteenth chapter of this random, random story has finally arrived. Now worship me, and eat Dutch pretzels for 13 hours. Thank you, and good night!  
  
Rabid Fan #123: Blah! DUTCH PRETZELS AM TEH SCUK!!!1  
  
Sane Fan #666: ...Okay, I'm going to go through the secret back door, the front of this place is infested with idiots...  
  
A/N: Um...  
  
Harry: You forgot the disclaimer again!  
  
A/N: Who cares?!  
  
Harry: Well, I do, you laz-  
  
*Harry gets smashed with a 160-ton weight*  
  
A/N: God, I love these powers.  
  
Well, why don't you give someone else them, so THEY can beat the crap out of Harry?  
  
A/N: ...Shut up, you.  
  
*Narrator gets smashed by a 1600-ton weight*  
  
----  
  
Now, let's just skip to the chapter title, shall we?  
  
CHAPTER XIV  
  
I WANNA GET PSYCHO  
  
Harry: Uh...I'm at a loss of words. I was supposed to be hit by the chapter title or some other random fanfic thin-  
  
Suddenly, a flashback crushed Harry, but he was saved by Hermione.  
  
Harry: How'd you do that?  
  
Hermione: Plot device, Harry. Plot device.  
  
Narrator: Of course, the Author loves stealing things from Flash movies from Newgrounds.  
  
(A/N: Do not, you fool!)  
  
Narrator: Do too!  
  
A/N: Do not!  
  
Kuririn, Lavender/Aryll, Harry, and Hermione: SHUT UP, YOU TWO!  
  
Narrator: Okay.  
  
(A/N: Hmph. All of you have someone that loves you, but I don't. *sobs*)  
  
All: ...  
  
(A/N: *bursts into tears*)  
  
All: Maybe it has to do with the fact that you're only 12?  
  
(A/N: Shut up! That has nothing to do with it! I swear, I'm gonna give you people seizures like...whoa!)  
  
As if on cue, the Killer Japanese Seizure Robots proceeded to burst out of a random wall, scaring the crap out of everyone, and began to do their 'dance', causing everyone to have randomly placed seizures.  
  
Kuririn: YayAYAymfdldasj3##%^...moo.  
  
o_O;;;  
  
Kuririn: Who the hell are you?  
  
Why, I'm you.  
  
Kuririn: So you're the IRC form of the Author?  
  
Yyyup.  
  
Okay, get out before this fic becomes a chat fic, that's breaking the '1337 Guidelines for Fanfiction.Net.'  
  
Chibi-Kuririn: Fine then. I'll be in Person Form, whatever the hell that means.  
  
Wait a minute...  
  
Chibi Kuririn: What?  
  
I just found out that I lost an entire page of this fic earlier.  
  
Chibi Kuririn: You did? Bad Jon!  
  
All: BAD CHIBI, BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL BY SPEAKING WITH THE REAL, REAL AUTHOR!  
  
Chibi Kuririn: Bite me, I'm not even in this continuity.  
  
Mina: Yay! *huggles Chibi*  
  
Chibi Kuririn: Hey! Where'd you come from?  
  
Mina: That portal you left open. Young man, you should NOT be leaving those things open, you don't know what goes in!  
  
Chibi Kuririn: Um...ew.  
  
Mina smacked Chibi.  
  
Mina: I didn't mean it THAT way!  
  
(A/N: On MediaDriven on mIRC, Mina kinda likes me, Chibi-Kuririn. She's a recurring character.)  
  
In unison, Chibi Kuririn and Mina said, "You know, I kinda like it here..."  
  
They looked at each other and exclaimed, "Why are you saying what I'm saying?"  
  
"Are we thinking the same things?"  
  
"I think so!"  
  
"Cheese tast-"  
  
AAAAAAAAAARGH.  
  
WOULD YOU TWO BLOODY STOP TALKING AT THE SAME TIME?! IT GETS ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE.  
  
With those words, the Psuedo-HP/DBZ Universe got stoned and WENT THROUGH A WORMHOLE!  
  
All: AAAA! WE DON'T HAVE INSURANCE FOR THISSSS!  
  
Fo' sho' you don't. *poses*  
  
All: AUTHOR, NO!  
  
And with the pose, the Universe got even more stoned, going through an even more violent wormhole.  
  
All: ARGH!  
  
Damn, that was some good weed...  
  
Kuririn: It was?  
  
Mina: It was?  
  
Chibi Kuri-san: It was?  
  
Chibi Kuri-san: Wait...WHY'D YOU CHANGE MY NAME?!  
  
It got too hard to type regularly on here! Kuri-san is easier to type!  
  
Chibi Kuri-san: Hmph. You're me, so I can't really complain.  
  
Magus Ollarud: Where the hell am I now? 1999 A.D. or something?  
  
Damnit, Magus, would you STOP acting like this is Chrono Trigger?  
  
Magus: What's Chrono Trigger?  
  
It's the game you're in, where you have to beat Lavos...  
  
HOURS LATER...  
  
Magus: So this Squaresoft company-thingy thinks that defeating Lavos was just a game?  
  
Probably.  
  
Magus: I'm going to kill them once they release FFXI on the PS2.  
  
Woo! I've brought my IRC counterpart and one of its friends on, and I've also taught a video game character in the way of video game consoles!  
  
Magus: I'm lost.  
  
(A/N: Magus is also gonna be a recurring character, of course.)  
  
Good.  
  
Harry: Wait a minute...Why am I in here?  
  
Because I told you to be in here because I told you to be in here.  
  
Harry: I'm so confused.  
  
Hermione: Oh, I'm soooo into confused guys!  
  
They had hot, hot monkey sex.  
  
Ron: Well, that wasn't particularly fun.  
  
Aryll: Meh.  
  
Kuririn: You said it.  
  
And then Aryll and Kuririn had hot, hot monkey sex.  
  
Ron: Why are you typing THIS now?  
  
Author: Just to get some randomness into it.  
  
Ron: I see. Well, readers, CHEESE OWNS YOU ALL!  
  
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!  
  
Author: I'm lost again.  
  
Magus: Good.  
  
Author: Wait a minute, you were supposed to say YOU were lost..  
  
TAKE 2!  
  
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!  
  
Magus: I'm, er, uh...  
  
Author: CUT!  
  
Everyone else is laughing.  
  
TAKE 3!  
  
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!  
  
Magus: I'm lost.  
  
Author: Why?  
  
Everyone laughs again.  
  
CUT!  
  
Take 4!  
  
All, minus Harry, Hermione, Aryll, and Kuririn: QUIT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, RON!  
  
Magus: I'm lost.  
  
Author: Good!  
  
Finally, we can get on with this fic!  
  
AFTER THIS LINE, THE FIC HAS RESTARTED.  
  
*boop! whiRRriORrrrrprpppprrrrrrrwhirrrrrrrrrrrr!*  
  
Woo, the blimp-motor-machine works again!  
  
Kuririn: But...but..  
  
RANDOM VILLAIN NUMBER 12: No!  
  
Kuririn: That's it! *shoots RVN12 with a uber-powered-up Kamehameha, grabs Aryll, and flies out of the building*  
  
Random Villain #12: Hey! Come back! I was just inviting you for tea!...damn kids, have to leave after I deny them the ability to use my TV...  
  
**********  
  
Whee! Cheese is good!  
  
Kuririn: It is?  
  
Aryll: Yup, so is getting this chapter up to 1000 words! Which only needs...2 more words!  
  
CHEESE!  
  
DIP!  
  
OMG RANDOMNESS TASTES GOOD WITH BBQ SAUCE  
  
Kuririn: It does?  
  
Yes.  
  
It does.  
  
Cheese + BBQ sauce + randomness = yum  
  
Also...  
  
Cheese + BBQ chicken + pizza you  
  
All: Yes, yes, yes it does.  
  
********  
  
And so, after almost 2 months, Kuririn/Author resumes work on the fic.  
  
Author: Oh, shut up, you.  
  
Now for RANDOM FANFIC OUTTAKES - CHAPTER XIV!  
  
TAKE 1!  
  
Author: I'm lost.  
  
Magus: Why?  
  
Author: CUT MY THROAT!  
  
Director: CUT!  
  
---  
  
TAKE 2!  
  
Harry: I'm so confused.  
  
Hermione: I'm so into confused girls!  
  
Harry turned into a girl, and her and Hermione had hot monkey sex.  
  
Author: CUTE!  
  
Director: CUT, CUT, CUT! Harry, YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TURN INTO A GIRL! Hermione, the line's "I'm so into confused guys!"  
  
Hermione: Sorry, MOM.  
  
********  
  
And so, the pointlessness of the fic increased. Cheers.  
  
Harry: Is this almost over?  
  
Hermione: Hopefully.  
  
Just gotta get it to 1400 words or more.  
  
Harry: GOD DAMNIT!  
  
What? I HAVE TO GET A LOT OF WORDS IN THESE SO I CAN INCREASE THE PAGE- THINGIES!  
  
Wait a minute..  
  
What the hell did I just say?  
  
Harry: Dunno.  
  
Me either. Wanna get a beer?  
  
Harry: It's on me!  
  
Hermione: I wanna come!  
  
Every other f00kin' person in the fic: I wanna come, too!  
  
Harry: Okay!  
  
Yay! TIME TO GET DRUNK OUT OF OUR WITS AND HAVE AN ORGY!  
  
Harry: No.  
  
Hermione: Ooh, an orgy!  
  
Harry: *has a look on his face that clearly says "WTF?!*  
  
Author: Booyeah! I've gotten her on our side! Oh, wait, this is almost ten pages!  
  
Ron: Why do I get the feeling that I'm becoming a secondary character?  
  
Author: Hey, I get that feeling in real life, Ron, so really, you aren't alone here.  
  
Aryll: It's not bad being a secondary character..but being created just to be a plot device is even STUPIDER than that!  
  
Author: Well, do you like pie?  
  
Aryll: What's this "pi" you speak of?  
  
Author: It's "pie", and it's a yummy food that we eat here in-oh, wait, you were born on the mountaintops of Hyrule, so you wouldn't know...  
  
Aryll: Fine then, asshole! I'll find out myself!  
  
Kuririn: Pie = good.  
  
Aryll: Thanks, Kuri-chan! *kisses*  
  
Does anyone else realize how contrived that sounded?  
  
Harry: Tell me about it. My entire life story's contrived.  
  
Hermione: I don't understand what the hell anyone's talking about, so I'll just shut up now.  
  
Author: Wait a minute...why the hell are all of us breaking the Fourth Wall?  
  
Harry: We're parodying humor/romance fics, remember?  
  
Author: Oh, now I remember.  
  
Harry: Well, finally..idiot.  
  
Author: WHAT WAS THAT?  
  
Harry: I meant, "Well, finally,,I forgot."  
  
Author: Oh, okay.  
  
Suddenly, Harry laughed evilly, and turned into..  
  
(A/N: (A/N: How's THAT for a cliffhanger?) God, parodies of normal fics is fun, because the readers get to see how utterly stupid the cliffhangers sound!  
  
Well, I'm off to begin on the next chapter..  
  
'Til later, loyal readers!  
  
CHAPTER XV  
  
THE RETURN OF THE JAVA  
  
SEQUEL TO "THE NEWBIES STRIKE BACK")  
  
(A/N 2: Read and review, folks!) 


	15. The Return of the Java

A/N: And so, Kuririn only takes a month of hiatus to continue the 15th, and 5th to last, chapter of the fanfic that I can't remember the name of!  
  
Harry: *laughs*  
  
*Harry is subsequently smashed by a 6400-ton weight*  
  
NOTE: THIS CHAPTER IS THE SEMI-SEQUEL TO ONE OF MY RENAMED CHAPTER TITLES, SO IT MAY NOT MAKE SENSE  
  
A/N: Just remember that the next fic WON'T have this format ("Harry: Blahblah, Hermione: Blahblah") it's going to be more of a REAL humor/romance fic ('Blahblah,' thought Harry), though more emphasis will be put on humor for now. ---  
  
I'm lazy. Get over it.  
  
CHAPTER XV  
  
THE RETURN OF THE JAVA  
  
INSERT SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE HERE.  
  
And so, last we saw Kuririn, he was busy fighting off the Newbie Army, even though this may just be edited by Mr. Saiyajin so that it'll fit more to the chapter titles, but who cares? Well, I'll tell ya: not me.  
  
---  
  
Kuririn: These things are TOO easy.  
  
Aryll: Damn! You beat me again!  
  
Kuririn: My score's 92000, what's yours?  
  
Aryll: 56000.  
  
Kuririn: No, you don't shoot them with ki like THAT...you have to power it up a little more, and fire it with your hand facing a little bit off to the side.  
  
Aryll: Thanks!  
  
She fired a ki blast, causing about 40000 Newbies to die suddenly, boosting her score over Kuririn's!  
  
Kuririn: Hey! You're not allowed to beat meee!  
  
Of course, they both went SSj at the same time.then SSj2.  
  
Both, in unison: Quit copying me!  
  
---  
  
Author: That was pointless.  
  
---  
  
Ron: Whoa...where the hell am I?  
  
Furiza: You're...in my pants!  
  
Ron woke up, and found himself in Furiza's ship, surrounded by random assorted DBZ and HP villains! Ain't that a hoot?  
  
Suddenly...  
  
Harry jumped out of the wall somehow, and went SSj3. He fired a HUGE blast at the randomly assorted DBZ/HP villains, and began to totally OWN Furiza. TEH END.  
  
---  
  
Kuririn: Well, that was the SECOND battle.this is the War of the mIRC Factions, after all.  
  
Aryll: What's your score now? Mine's 9,995,030,900.  
  
Kuririn: Mine's 9,999,999,999.  
  
Aryll: Beaten again!  
  
And suddenly, the world exploded in a gigantic flash of light, causing me to type random crap right here so the word count of the fic would go up!  
  
Harry: What the hell are you even talking about?  
  
Author: YOUR MOM!  
  
Hermione: Oh, shut up, Harry, and get b--Hey, we haven't even started sn--  
  
Author: SHUT UP AND QUIT MAKING PLOT HOLES!  
  
---  
  
Lily: What the hell was that noise?  
  
James: Oh, that was just the Author screaming loud enough to wake the dead.  
  
Lily: So we're alive now?  
  
James: Yup.  
  
Lily: Okay, but let's get out of this graveyard.  
  
James: Anything for you.  
  
--- Author: *retches*  
  
---  
  
Furiza: Heh.I'm not the one leading the Newbies...That honor goes to Sauron...who isn't dead, contrary to popular belief.  
  
---  
  
Kuririn: Good god, this story's gone to hell.  
  
Aryll: Um, plot hole, Kuririn, you're supposed to be...  
  
Kuririn: Oh!  
  
---  
  
Author: Damnit! I'm not typing this, you know!  
  
Narrator: You aren't?  
  
Author: No!  
  
Narrator: So how come text is randomly forming without our knowing it?  
  
Author: Because you like cheese.  
  
Narrator: That's not a reason!  
  
Author: Yes it is!  
  
The argument continues to the end of the universe, where the Author pushes the Narrator through a dimensional portal that turns him into a walking pie.  
  
---  
  
Harry: Now, THAT was weird.  
  
Hermione: I concur.  
  
Harry: Arrgh! Can't...understand...big...words...like...concur!  
  
Hermione: Quit acting like Ron, Harry. It's not very funny anymore.  
  
Harry: To me, it is! *grins*  
  
Hermione: Oh, come here, you!  
  
Harry and Hermione quickly began a frantic snogging session that lasted around 20 minutes, no breaks.  
  
---  
  
Author: 20 minutes? Damn, they're GOOD.  
  
Walking Pie: You said it.  
  
The Author turned the Walking Pie back into the Narrator.  
  
The Author then changed his name to Jon.  
  
Narrator: Hey, thanks!  
  
Jon: No problem. Now, where's my 55 Galleons?  
  
Narrator: But Harry and Hermione haven't broken the 15-minute barrier in snogging sessions yet!  
  
Jon: They just had one that lasted 20 minutes.  
  
(Harry: And we had one a while ago that lasted 3 hours.  
  
Hermione: Harry, quit making plot holes, dammit!)  
  
Narrator: Damn you and your random logic!  
  
Jon: I'm proud of it. Now give me my 55 Galleons.  
  
Narrator: Fine, fine...*hands over Galleons, grumpily*  
  
Jon: Heh. Is little Narrator pissed at Jon-sama because Jon-sama won a bet?  
  
---  
  
Harry: Well, that was a nice snogging session...  
  
Hermione: What are you TALKING about? We've had some that lasted over 3 hours, and yet you say 20 minutes is nice!  
  
Hagrid: Would you two stop bitching and get back to snogging?  
  
Hermione: Fine.  
  
Harry leaned forward, they put their arms around each other, the usual signs of snogfests.  
  
---  
  
Author: That's a nice way to end that part of the story arc for now, seeing as next chapter has to revolve around *deleted* and *deleted*.  
  
Sirius: What the hell are you talking about?  
  
Author: WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?!  
  
Sirius: A veil of doom.  
  
Author: Here's a proclamation, straight from 1337speak Sirius!  
  
Sirius: 51|21|_|5 73|-| \/31|!  
  
Author: Thank you, thank you.  
  
Sirius: So, am I gonna be another recurring character, much like Magus?  
  
Author: Hell yes.  
  
Sirius: Stupid Bella, shooting that Stunner at me while I was about to fly through the veil...and now look where I am!  
  
Author: The real world?  
  
Sirius: No, we're in hammerspace!  
  
Author: Oh, I almost forgot we were even here.  
  
---  
  
Harry: Aren't I supposed to be transforming into something evil?  
  
Hermione: No, seeing as humor fics have NO continuity and therefore do not need to link chapters together.  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Hermione: This one isn't the last one.  
  
Harry: Oh.  
  
---  
  
Author: I hate typing stuff up at 9 AM, it makes my eyes bleed.  
  
Sirius: Your eyes are bleeding?  
  
Author: There's something warm on my eyelid that stings a bit. I'm just saying it's blood to move the sub-plot along.  
  
Sirius: I saw you typing something extra but then you decided to put it in the A/N.  
  
Author: You're ALLOWED to break the Fourth Wall when you're in hammerspace, because you're sitting next to me!  
  
---  
  
Harry: I think we're approaching the end of the fic already.  
  
Author: No we're not; we have to get another page!  
  
Narrator: Why the hell do I even have this job anymore?  
  
Author: Strip clubs.  
  
Narrator: Oh.  
  
Harry: Ew.  
  
Author: Oh, come off it, I saw you and Hermione do some things that even NC- 17 movies wouldn't have.  
  
Harry: Oh, SHUT UP!  
  
Hermione: What are you yelling about, Harry? GET OVER HERE!  
  
Harry: Coming, precious!  
  
---  
  
Author: Well, that ended my pseudo-Zelda comic parody. Now, we finally end part 3 of RIHPHF!  
  
*BOOM.*  
  
---  
  
A/N: Well, that took a while to type. So, are you people going to review the 2 newest chapters, or what?  
  
Kuririn: *implodes*  
  
Since I only had one review, I can't really make the fic much bigger. =(  
  
Oh well, on to the next chapter!  
  
CHAPTER XVI  
  
THE EXPLODING PRETZEL MAN  
  
In which a guy turns into an exploding pretzel! I'll give you three guesses as to who it is! 


End file.
